Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
