So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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