your parents love me but you hate me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They took my balls.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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