My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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