I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
