I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
