Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
