did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
