i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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