Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
