why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
