My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
