You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
