he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
