i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
