Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize