just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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