is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
