I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
