he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
