If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
