i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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