2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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