i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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