Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I would ride that face into the sunset
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