I want to walk on stilts...naked
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
