this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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