I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
