he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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