dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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