Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
