I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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