Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
