I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
