please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
