I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
