Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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