Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize