Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
