some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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