Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
