You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
