lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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