I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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