Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
