I hate your face
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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