I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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