I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
