Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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