if i can run in heels then i can drive
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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