I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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