Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
