I will die if light touches me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
