i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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