just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
