Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
