ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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