Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
