If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
