Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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