to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
