I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize