I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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