508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
