i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
