i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
